Poem 3/April 1
(Johnson 447)
'Twas just this time, last year, I died.
I know I heard the Corn,
When I was carried by the Farms —
It had the Tassels on —
I thought how yellow it would look —
When Richard went to mill —
And then, I wanted to get out,
But something held my will.
I thought just how Red — Apples wedged
The Stubble's joints between —
And the Carts stooping round the fields
To take the Pumpkins in —
I wondered which would miss me, least,
And when Thanksgiving, came,
If Father'd multiply the plates —
To make an even Sum —
And would it blur the Christmas glee
My Stocking hang too high
For any Santa Claus to reach
The Altitude of me —
But this sort, grieved myself,
And so, I thought the other way,
How just this time, some perfect year —
Themself, should come to me —
*
"But this sort, grieved myself"--this highly seasonally inappropriate poem, set in Fall, is related to other Dickinson self-elegies like the famous "I heard a fly--Buzz" (one of the last poems discussed IRL in our class). Dickinson uses an intentionally sentimental palette to imagine the aftermath of her own death. The most poignant thing in it, for me, is that detail about "multiplying the plates" to "make an even sum"--though there's a little riddle in it, since there were, with all members present, five Dickinsons in the family (5-1 would be 4, "an even sum"). Maybe this is a sly tribute to Susan, the "sixth" Dickinson, who was just joining the family? Maybe the poem is in fact partly about being replaced by Susan, her presence canceling Emily out?
Anyway. The final stanza is worth thinking about, as we manage our own fear and anxiety. Dickinson decides at the end to think "the other way"--of her own survival and other people's death. The poem ends abruptly, as though she's been silenced by the thought.
If you're in the mood to go down various ED rabbit holes, think about this poem in the following contexts: elegies and self-elegies; poems of suspension and interruption; poems which depict (here, in negative) the family rituals and ceremonies and special times; and ways in which Dickinson begins to imagine her own reclusiveness--she's not absent here ("the altitude of me" is such a great phrase) but rather, by being physically apart ("altitude" implies her bedroom in relation to the downstairs) all too psychologically present.
(Johnson 447)
'Twas just this time, last year, I died.
I know I heard the Corn,
When I was carried by the Farms —
It had the Tassels on —
I thought how yellow it would look —
When Richard went to mill —
And then, I wanted to get out,
But something held my will.
I thought just how Red — Apples wedged
The Stubble's joints between —
And the Carts stooping round the fields
To take the Pumpkins in —
I wondered which would miss me, least,
And when Thanksgiving, came,
If Father'd multiply the plates —
To make an even Sum —
And would it blur the Christmas glee
My Stocking hang too high
For any Santa Claus to reach
The Altitude of me —
But this sort, grieved myself,
And so, I thought the other way,
How just this time, some perfect year —
Themself, should come to me —
*
"But this sort, grieved myself"--this highly seasonally inappropriate poem, set in Fall, is related to other Dickinson self-elegies like the famous "I heard a fly--Buzz" (one of the last poems discussed IRL in our class). Dickinson uses an intentionally sentimental palette to imagine the aftermath of her own death. The most poignant thing in it, for me, is that detail about "multiplying the plates" to "make an even sum"--though there's a little riddle in it, since there were, with all members present, five Dickinsons in the family (5-1 would be 4, "an even sum"). Maybe this is a sly tribute to Susan, the "sixth" Dickinson, who was just joining the family? Maybe the poem is in fact partly about being replaced by Susan, her presence canceling Emily out?
Anyway. The final stanza is worth thinking about, as we manage our own fear and anxiety. Dickinson decides at the end to think "the other way"--of her own survival and other people's death. The poem ends abruptly, as though she's been silenced by the thought.
If you're in the mood to go down various ED rabbit holes, think about this poem in the following contexts: elegies and self-elegies; poems of suspension and interruption; poems which depict (here, in negative) the family rituals and ceremonies and special times; and ways in which Dickinson begins to imagine her own reclusiveness--she's not absent here ("the altitude of me" is such a great phrase) but rather, by being physically apart ("altitude" implies her bedroom in relation to the downstairs) all too psychologically present.
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